News Archive
The Really Old Stuff
January 2000 - February 2000
10 January 2000
Animals in the Cockpit
A discussion opened in the Hangar this week regarding alternate means of controling one's aircraft. Lukexcom (1039) revealed that he wishes to use a mouse instead of a yoke or joystick, and Rune Rodahl (1085) replied with an educational description of the problems encountered while using two cats for controls.
The Boss was contemplating voice control software, and has realized that, with such a system, the big grey parrot (well, he's bigger than some parrots) that usually looms over her left shoulder while she's doing things like flying and writing the News page might be able to handle the radios for her on future flights. Given time, he might even be able to write the News page.
Now, if she could just get him to quit eating the microphone...
Top Pilots
Our Top Pilot last week was Peter "Take my Money" Fellowes (1002) with 16.23 hours, while Darby "Sleepless in LA" Willcox (1013) came in number two with 10.81 hours.
Overall, Lukexcom (1039) remains way out in front with 105.16 hours, and Darby Willcox (1013) follows up with 75.34 hours.
Excellent work, all of you, even Peter who escaped from his cellar again to get those hours in and hang on to his hard-earned cash.
Now, if only the Boss could log all the hours she spends running this airline...
Promotions
* Carsten Luckman (1018) has been promoted to Commercial Pilot
* Butch Barnes (1091) has been promoted to Student Pilot
Congratulations!
Changes Ahead...
You've all heard the rumors and rumblings, but now it's for sure -- PGA is buying a new hangar of its own at Boeing Field. Finally we can be out from under the thumb of that nasty, two-bit... er, landlord who kept upping the rent every month. We're closing the deal in the next few days, so get ready for a party! I figure if I feed you all enough beer then you won't care so much that we're going to start charging tie-down and hangar fees for aircraft owners, and it won't matter if you park at San Jose or Boeing Field.
Renting a tie-down or hangar space will be optional, but be aware that the odd random accident may occur now and again, you know, little things like dents and scratches that devalue your aircraft should you decide to sell someday, and the odd big thing like being taxied over by a jet. Your planes will much much safer in the tie-down area as opposed to over on the gravel behind where Aeroflop has taxi practice with their big jets, safer still in the close-in tie-downs, and as safe as can be in the hangar....
Details to come as we get it polished up and put together.
Pilot Reports
Newly rated Cat. I pilot Ole-Jørgen "BRAKES!" Søberg has decided long-haul is boring, and so has been flying some of the PPL-series missions with the jet (yes, you can do that!). Unfortunately, he was headed in to Rio Vista and UNICOM informed him that 14 was in use. For those who have been in Seattle too long, 14 at Rio Vista is only 2200 ft long. He didn't damage the gear, but they had to use a tractor to pull him back up on the runway again. However, when taking off, he did manage to get off from 14 again before running out of runway!
Speaking of short runways, Rune "Short & Wide" Rodahl (1085) learned that flights over mountainous terrain require more altitude than those at sea level, and that you often need it a bit sooner than you'll get it in cruise climb. He further complains that the 172 he was flying had no rudder pedals or yoke installed for Christmas, and it makes it hard to land in a crosswind on those short runways like the one at Port Angeles... you know, the one that's 150 ft long and about 6,400 ft wide...?
Lars "Get Used to It" Boehme (1088) had an electrical failure near Bremerton and complains that he may be only a student but he doesn't want to fly wrecks. Well, Lars, if you don't want to fly wrecks, then don't wreck the plane. By PGA standards, if it gets in the air, it's not a wreck.
In a follow up to that report, supervisor Chris Gasper (1006) said that he used FAA-approved duct tape for the repairs. Management is puzzled by this reference, as the only duct tape approved for FAA use is the stuff that gets stuck over the inspectors' mouths... Oh, I'm sorry. That wasn't very nice, was it?
Jonbiggles (1079) reports that he's still dodging bridges and having bumpy landings. So long as he's not dodging landings and bumping into bridges, we're happy.
Mark Thould (1083) suffered an engine failure above the hills east of Seattle and was forced to descend through low clouds. He managed to stretch the glide all the way to the Yoosun factory where a mechanic charged an arm and a leg and a couple of other body parts to fix it. Of course, the work was charged to the company (don't get any ideas...). Mark has been issued a PGA tool kit consisting of a roll of duct tape, some chewing gum, and a crecent wrench, just like the one the rest of you carry. Remedial lessons in field aircraft repair are being offered around the coffeepot every day.
Ryan "Squeak" Griffin-Stegink (1009) has taken up playing a new instrument -- the 172. A special sort of landing at Sacramento allowed the gear to squeak as he flew along in a light breeze, and with some artful maneuvering he attepmted to entertain our senator friends with exerpts from Rogers & Hammerstein musicals for the duration of the ride. They didn't seem to appreciate his efforts, however. Ungrateful politicians have no ear for talent.
15 January 2000
PGA Back in Business
After a severe holiday season slowdown, PGA pilots seem to be getting back in the air at last. It is difficult to say whether the primary motivating factor is a need to pay off Christmas bills or the rumor that the Boss has invested in a powerful electric cattle prod.
Boss Going Out of Town -- "Just Say No" to Parties
PGA Grand High Supreme Boss Shanya will be out of town next week on business, leaving Peter "The Tyrant" Fellowes (1002) and Michael "The Despot" Richards (1003) chained to the desks in the office and in charge of keeping things going in her absence.
For pilots and supervisors, it will be business as usual, because the Boss is taking her laptop computer and will be able to receive e-mail. You'll hardly notice she's gone, except that everyone in the office will be all somber and glum because they will miss the Boss's presence so very much.
"There will be no party," reports PGA Secretary/Treasurer Peter "Deny Everything" Fellowes. "We dont party we work hard." The Boss is, of course, glad to hear this, that attitude is exactly why she leaves Peter and Michael in charge when she's away.
Top Pilots
Lukexcom (1039) is again our top pilot this week, with 12.43 hours. This further cements his position as number one pilot overall -- Luke has a total of 117.59 hours flown with "PGA" painted on his tail.
Number two pilot this week was Ole-Jørgen Søberg with 9.68 hours. Number two overall is Darby Willcox (1013) at 83.76 total hours.
Excellent work all of you!
Also of note is new pilot Lars Boheme (1088), who has flown 8.55 hours in his first week alone. Keep it up, Lars, but don't expect a raise!
Promotions
It's a bumper crop this week...
* Lukexcom (1039) has been promoted to Sr. Captain
* Dylan Cummins (1016) has been promoted to ATP
* Rip (1042) has been promoted to Commercial Pilot
* Chris Morgese (1010) has been promoted to Commercial Pilot
* Mark Blades (1077) has been promoted to Private Pilot
* Lars Boehme (1088) has been promoted to Student Pilot
* Steve Brown (1089) has been promoted to Student Pilot
* Mike Boney (1092) has been promoted to Student Pilot
* Frank Gruhn (1007) has been promoted to Student Pilot
* Joris Koeners (1008) has been promoted to Student Pilot
Congratulations everyone!
No More Fees for Classified Ads
The $50 per week charge for posting a classified ad for the sale of an aircraft has been dropped. Classified listings are now free, but only because the Boss is really really nice and doesn't want to keep track of it anyway.
Lukexcom Honored
Lukexcom (1039) has done a great deal in recent weeks to promote PGA, resulting in the hiring of several new pilots. Further, Luke seems to be the only one paying attention to birthdays, and is always on hand to wish a happy one as required. So for all this the Boss thanks him and hereby inducts him into the Order of the Stale Donut. This means he gets to take home all of the leftover donuts from around the coffeepot at the end of every week. Congratulations, Luke!
Pilot Reports
Rolo "Traffic!" Mace (1038) had a brush with that law that says all aircraft going anywhere shall converge upon your destination airport at the same instant you wish to land.
New pilot Sergey "Lucky" Ostrozhinsky (1093) was looking for bad weather the other night, just like any good PGA pilot would. Despite his best efforts, however, he ultimately broke out of the clouds and landed at South County under a moon so bright he forgot to turn on the PCL.
Butch "Scrape" Barnes (1091) scraped his left wingtip on the runway at Olympia during what he classed as a "really weird" landing. He blamed the wind, but he sounds like just another PGA pilot to us, especially as he was able to pull it back up and finish his roll out on three wheels.
Ole-Jørgen "ATC" Søberg (1049) spent much of his week going round and round with ATC... literally! That "lady" at Bay Approach apparently thinks he's a rollercoaster, having him maintain 1000, maintain 5000, maintain 1000, maintain 4000... you all know the drill! On another flight he was cleared ILS with the needles lined up and she sent him around anyway. As a result, it took him more time to fly SPL6 with the jet than it did with the Trainer.
The Boss has since learned that the "lady" at Bay Approach apparently is Jane Garvey's niece, and so there is nothing we can do. For those who are not familiar, Jane Garvey is the FAA Administrator for the entire U.S.. Perhaps flowers and candy would work better?
23 January 2000
INSURANCE
Many of you will by now have heard rumors around the coffee pot that management, after taking advice from its financial backers, are no longer prepared to offset the cost of insurance and tie down ( including general ground fees ) for privately owned aircraft. To this end, and after talks at PGA Board level, pilots who privately own aircraft may shortly expect to hear information regarding these matters and how it may effect them.
NEW MISSIONS
Hopefully ( we always say that ) by the end of the week you should find more Third Party Missions to fly. At the moment all are based in the Bay Area and my thanks go to the pilots who took the time to write them and for their permission to reproduce them.
I hope you all get much enjoyment in flying them and if so why not have a go at writing one ( or more ) yourself. Any pilot can write a mission for the Third Party Missions Page. You don't have to complete any fancy forms just send your mission or mission plans by plain e mail to your supervisor.
You get your name in large, well biggish, oh alright then in fairly small print so that other pilots may heap praise and adulation upon you, or of course they know who to blame when they rip the gear off on landing.
SAY NO TO PARTIES
Following the advice ( or should that be instruction ) on these pages last week from the Boss. I think most of us said " NO TO PARTIES ". Some were heard to shout it louder than others and some were heard to mumble it with slurred speech, this of course being due to tiredness through long hours flying.
As your reporter sits on this upturned crate marked " MOSKOWITE URGENT " in the corner of the hanger and surveys the scene around him, he feels it was good to say no. He hopes that many of the other pilots who said no will soon be feeling better and be fit to fly again soon.
* PILOT PROMOTIONS
The following pilots have received promotion this week :
Chris Casper ( 1005 ) Senior Captain
Lars Boheme ( 1088 ) PPL
Dirk Nugel ( 1029 ) SPL
Billy Verrynne (1087) SPL
Cristiano Cervellera ( 1021 ) SPL
Congratulations to you all and well done.
Pilot Reports
Mark " Lightning " Thould ( 1083 ) Whilst on a fairly rough night flight with thunderstorms around received vectors direct and was ordered to climb to 4000' right in the middle of cloud. Mark decided there was less chance of lightning strikes and electronic malfunction above cloud and so climbed to 6500' and enjoyed a trouble free flight. However on arrival at South County and descending through cloud the electronics decided to malfunction without the aid of a lightning strike. Well if its going to happen it will.
Mark " No Lights " Blades ( 1077 ) Mentions landing at Bandera State is not easy when there is no pilot controlled lighting. But he did it, just. Not been to Moskowite yet then Mark ?.
Bjorn " Haystack " Henjum ( 1044 ) After an outstanding and crowd pleasing display of Mustang flying started to understand the principle that landing (and stopping) is harder than take off. During a rather fast approach Bjorn was rather pleased to notice a haystack just off the end of the runway and correctly judged it would soften the impact. The prop and the engine require some cleaning but he claims the audience loved it.
Ryan " Roller Coaster " Griffin-Stegink ( 1009 ) Went to do something "special" and decided to fly ILS on the return leg to San Jose. He knew this to be a mistake after the typical vectoring : 6000-1000-5000-1000....... this plus some rough weather caused some of the "cargo" to spill and now 9 LG smells somewhat (and not for the first time). Fed up with the vectoring and fearing he may be late for the par......er an appointment he had, he cancelled the flight plan and just headed in. In his report he describes the landing as an impact but states it was not that bad.
Richard " Cats Eyes " Branch ( 1030 ) Had two near misses this week, the only problem with that is that they both happened during the same mission. A near collision with a 747 coming out of SFO and slightly later a F 18 out of Travis all made for an exiting trip. Have you thought of some insurance Richard ?.
Billy "Hole in One" Verrynne (1087) Had to make a forced landing on a golf course near Kenmore Air Harbor. As any good PGA pilot would do he promptly retired to the nearest bar and called his supervisor. His supervisor being the kindly person he is flew into Kenmore picked him up and took him on to Paine Field. The Trainer is ok but the 7th green will never be the same.
30 January 2000
Boss Returns -- Doesn't Suspect No Parties
PGA Supreme Boss Shanya (1001) returned to the office this week after a brief vacation in Anchorage (also known as the closest city to Alaska).
Despite a suspicious lingering smell of alcohol in the suspiciously clean main hangar (not to mention in the suspiciously parked planes), a suspiciously absent Mustang accompanied by several suspicious eyewitness accounts, a couple of suspicious charges to San Carlos Liquor and Hayward Catering, a suspiciously timed epidemic of flu, and a suspiciously significant increase in coffee consumption, the Boss has thus far not failed to suspect that there was not no party held in the Hangar during her absence.
On a totally unrelated note, Peter and Michael are to report to the Boss's office as soon as they get in. Something about 10,000 chickens and Moskowite.
Promotions
* Richard Branch (1030) has been promoted to Commercial Pilot
* Dave Spurlock (1094) has been promoted to Student Pilot
Congratulations!
Top Pilots
Top pilot this week was Darby Willcox (1013) with 6.06 hours, while Lukexcom (1039) came in at number two with 5.22 hours.
Overall, Luke maintains his hold on the number one slot with 122.81 PGA hours, and Darby remains at number two with 92.34 hours.
Congratulations Stephen Bull!
For those who've been wondering why it is PGA pilot Stephen "Daddy" Bull (1041) has been looking a bit more sleep-deprived than usual lately, sources say that Bull recently has had a small addition to his family by the name of Harriet. Mother and baby reportedly are doing fine. Congratulations!
Missing Mustang Found
The case of the missing Mustang has been solved! A particularly astute OAC employee spotted the missing PGA plane embedded tail-first in the side of an OAC hangar last night. Curiously, the prop was bolted on backwards.
In related news, PGA pilots have dodged a bullet and been cleared of suspicion in the recent incident involving a Mustang flown inverted under the Golden Gate Bridge and a particularly rude Russian phrase skywritten above the city. It seems a Dictionary of Russian Obscentities was found in the plane with the name of everyone's favorite Approach Controller written inside the front cover. As it is common knowledge that Miss "maintain 1000, maintain 5000, maintain 3000, maintain 1000..." is dating an OAC pilot, FAA officials have focused their investigation on the long-time BAC/PGA rival pilots.
Exploding Planes Prompt Investigation
Ole-Jørgen Søberg (1049) returned from San Diego after having tested and and re-tested (several times over) the tendency for BeechJets full of chimpanzees to spontaneously explode and be thrown some 6,000 ft into the air whilst taxiing at that airport. This effect was confirmed by Darby Willcox (1013), who (rather than nuke a few BeechJets trying it again and again) suggested a path around the hazard.
An investigation into the matter revealed that, when the runway was built, the sub-base material used was made from fill taken out of a former top-secret military weapons testing area near Roswell, New Mexico.
The Boss received the bill from the BeechJet rental company and the folks with the chimps, by the way. Next time someone sees Ole-Jørgen, tell him the Boss would appreciate if he would stop into the office next time he's in San Jose. Something about testing instrument approach procedures into SFO airspace all next week.
Pilot Reports
Stephen "A&P Mechanic" Bull (1041) experienced a couple of problems with his plane this week, with a rudder jammed into full right position and a radio failure. Fortunately, Bull is not easily deterred, and with the application of a few swift kicks with hobbed nail boots to one end and chewing gum wrapper and sticky tape to the other, he was soon back in the air for an otherwise uneventful flight.
Sergey "Chess Piece" Ostrozhinsky (1093) flew "Through the Looking Glass" this week after ATC told him to fly runway heading and promptly forgot him. As he flew along, Ostrozhinsky reports, the world eventually mirrored itself.
Upon further investigation, management has discovered vodka instead of 100LL in the left wing tank of Ostrozhinsky's Trainer.
Ryan "Spy?" Griffin-Stegink (1009) very narrowly escaped an extended visit with one of our military contracts this week, after "innocently" bringing up the weather and late-night talk show host David Letterman in the same flight. The commander immediately began interrogating Griffin-Stegink, who planted his tongue firmly in his cheek and revealed that he'd "sold" the "information" to Russia and Iraq. Fortunately, Ryan is faster on the throttle than the commander was on getting the MPs to the runway.
Louis "Ouch!" Leblond (1011) was compelled to rent another expensive plane to get back to San Jose this week after bending gear and prop on landing at Meadowlark Field. In the future, the Boss would request that pilots who rent planes from other companies not sightsee along the way!
New pilot Dave "Taxi Driver" Spurlock (1094) has been getting in a bit of much-needed taxi practice this week, gaining a reputation with the Ground Controllers at almost every airport he's been to. Seems Spurlock has a knack for getting lost on the ground, although his dead reckoning aerial navigation is dead on.
Spurlock also made his first landing ever at a mountain strip this week, an experience made all the more exciting by a couple of solo students practicing touch & goes in the pattern with him. He was compelled to clear the field quickly because one of the students apparently decided to try a formation landing. As a result, Spurlock spent the next 20 minutes cleaning pine needles out of the navigation light on one wingtip.
30 January 2000
100 Pilots and a New Supervisor
Thanks in part to the very nice things being said on the Avsim forum by several PGA pilots, PGA passed the 100 pilot mark this week, necessitating the addition of another supervisor.
After careful deliberation, Ole-Jorgen Soberg (1049) was selected to be PGA's newest supervisor. After being plied with several stiff drinks and wooed with promises of benefits he hopefully does not remember, Ole-Jorgen accepted the position. Gratulerer!
Promotions
* Joel Rogers (1006) has been promoted to Sr. Captain, Cat. I
* Lukexcom (1039) has been promoted to Sr. Captain, Cat I
* Dylan Cummins (1016) has been promoted to Captain
* Andrew Jones (1026) has been promoted to Private Pilot
* Bill Summers (1053) has been promoted to Private Pilot
* Mark Thould (1083) has been promoted to Private Pilot
* Billy Verreynne (1087) has been promoted to Private Pilot
* Sergey Ostrozhinsky (1093) has been promoted to Private Pilot
* Dave Spurlock (1094) has been promoted to Private Pilot
* Joel Gill (1096) has been promoted to Student Pilot
* Steven Myall (1097) has been promoted to Student Pilot
* Karl Hammarling (1098) has been promoted to Student Pilot
* Petri Pellinen (1099) has been promoted to Student Pilot
* Craig Stewart (1100) has been promoted to Student Pilot
Congratulations!
Top Pilots
Top pilot this week was Dustin Cochran (1080) with 12.14 hours, while Dave Spurlock (1094) was number two with 11.60 hours.
Overall, Lukexcom (1039) remains PGA's top hours pilot with 122.81 PGA hours, while Darby Willcox (1013) continues in the second slot with 101.45.
The Old BAC Hangar
The old BAC Hangar at Half Moon Bay sparks some fond (and not-so-fond) memories for many PGA pilots. Those were the days... Fred was the Boss, Shanya did the maintenance on her own plane, and suspicious holes that looked more than a little like bullet holes appeared in aircraft on a fairly regular basis. Of course, no one knew anything about how they got there.
Rumour has it that the old BAC Hangar is still in use, however, but for what is the subject of some debate. Everyone has their own theory, it seems. Blackadder (1020) let it slip the other day that General Melchett has been using it for something; Darby (1013) suggested that same of Fred's former (?) affiliates still use it as a meeting place.
The truth? The Hangar is empty, no one is using it, and all of you would do well to remember that.
Pilot Reports
Ryan "Butcher" Griffin-Stegink (1009) tested the meat-grinding properties of the fixed-pitch propeller on 2LG this week, as the cow at Sky Harbor sacrificed herself to the most recent PGA barbeque. Griffin-Stegink reports that the plane came through unscathed, but tends to become a bit clogged up with bovine innards. Word has it he's working on a new and improved cowl that will keep the engine clear and allow him to mow down whole herds at a time.
Ole-Jørgen "Fuel Gauge?" Søberg (1049) was flying Long Haul missions in one of the BeechJets when he had a master caution alarm light up just north of Travis. Somehow, he'd managed to run out of fuel. Must have been a leak in the tanks, as he would never forget to account for headwinds. He landed at Travis and refueled, and continued on his way without further incident.
Sergey "10 Minutes" Ostrozhinsky (1093) had a round of bad luck with planes this week. On one flight, he took off into a bit of bad weather and, 10 minutes into the flight, buried the Arrow he was flying at sea after it broke apart. Being the humble sort of guy he is, Ostrozhinsky is not telling how he managed to same himself and the Wigburns, or how he managed to get the Wigburns into another Arrow with him. Nonetheless, they did, and 10 minutes into that flight the radio broke. Fortunately, all PGA planes fly just fine without radios.
On a related note, there is a rumor that the Wigburns have taken up going to church again.
Captain "Oh &$#!" Blakadder (1020) suffered an engine failure after leaving San Jose and had to put his trusty Trainer down in a field. Fortunately, Blackadder was able to find a flat, cow-free field, and so the day was saved yet again.
Anthoney "Bad Weather" Ballard (1086) has learned the truth of that old addage, if it looks bad on the ground, it'll look worse in the air. A light drizzle at Gray AAF turned into a sideways downpour as the mission progressed. It never got to thunderstorms, but reports were he was a bit pale and glad to be back on the ground when he reached Boeing Field. We're sure he will be pleased to know that the Boss's Norwegian Elkhound appreciated his efforts and enjoyed her meal very much.
Jonny "I Plead the Fifth" Biggles (1081) almost collided with a speeding Beechjet while trusting ATC to keep him in the clear, and later found himself searching for a runway in zero-zero visibility with no radar, no VOR, and only a vague clue as to where he was going. Like any good PGA pilot, however, he did ultimately find the runway. Also like any good PGA pilot, he proceeded to make a "very hairy landing" and hit a tree. And again, like any good PGA pilot, he reports the plane was not damaged.
Mark "Matchmaker" Thould (1083) had the honor of having a Rottweiler and an Afghan Hound make it into the "Mile High Club" in the back seat of his plane this week, causing him to call a missed approach at Palo Alto due to cargo-induced instability. Both animals are prized show dogs, and it is suspected that the Afghan Hound's owner was unaware that her pooch was in heat before putting her on the plane. Incidentally, both dogs took best of breed in their respective classes, with the judges being highly complimentary of the Afghan Hound's novel "tousled, just out of bed" look. The Rottweiler took best of show.
The handlers of both dogs commented how they've never seen the dogs quite so relaxed after a flight before, and the owners were very pleased with PGA. We suspect the owners may not be so pleased in a few months when presented with a batch of "Rotghan Houndweilers."
Dave "Freeze!" Spurlock (1094) had one uneventful flight this week, but more than made up for that when called upon to take a shipment over to McChord AFB. Due to the overwhelming stench in his plane (combination of fish and scared pilot), he tied an old rag over his mouth and nose so he could breathe without gagging. Of course, it also muffled his voice, and so the controllers had to keep asking him to repeat himself.
One greaser of a landing later, he was told to taxi to parking. Now, we all know about Spurlock and taxiing around any airport, he only joined us a couple of weeks ago and already the Ground Controllers in Seattle Area roll their eyes at the mention of his tail number. Of course, he had no idea where to go, and his plane had no airfield diagrams aboard to help out. Ground was not being helpful, telling him only to "taxi to parking" and providing the usual round of verbal abuse otherwise. So he did what any PGA pilot would do -- shut off the radio and found a place to park.
Next thing he knew, he was surrounded by five or six cars all with flashing blue lights, and a bunch of people in camouflage uniforms and berets were pointing guns at him. Dave, not having been a BAC pilot before coming to work for PGA, panicked and leaped out of the plane. His "mask" caused immediate consternation amongst the assembled crowd, and although he yanked it down to ask for help they ordered him to shut up, raise his hands, and get face down on the pavement. A bit of rough handling later, he was handcuffed to a water pipe while his plane was searched and two crates marked "Government Property" were discovered.
The Boss spent a couple of hours on the phone getting it straightened out, and Dave was eventually released with a halfhearted apology, but only after the Boss pointed out that the longer they detained him, the longer they would have to store his stinking plane in their hangar.
Stephen "Sonar" Bull (1041) took a unique approach to handling a nervous passenger during a night flight this week when he asked said passenger to stick his head out the window and scream every 10 seconds, explaining that if they got an echo it meant they were near a mountain. When the passenger asked if this was a proven method of navigation, Bull pointed out that it is the same principle used in navigating submarines, so it should work fine for an aeroplane.
After climbing out on top, Bull let the passenger bring his head back in and shut the window, and reports the rest of the flight was very quiet. He landed a bit hard and folded the right main, but didn't bend the prop. When last seen, the passenger was wandering aimlessly across the active runway.
It is worth mentioning that Bull will be making a cameo appearance as himself in the upcoming film, the "Napa Valley Witch Project." The students he flew out to Parret claim he is by far and away the most frightening character in the entire film.
12 February 2000
Financing Now Available!
Peachtree Loan Associates opened its doors today under the management of Dustin Cochran (1080). Loans will be available to pilots for aircraft purchases, rank promotion fees, and whatever else comes along.
Please note, however, that loan payments will be expected to be made on a regular basis. If you take out a loan, you are making a commitment to fly enough to keep up with the payments. Failure to make payments may result in repossession of the collateral, unless other arrangements are made.
Promotions
* Chris Gasper (1005) has been promoted to Senior Captain (Cat. I)
* Dustin Cochran (1080) has been promoted to Commercial Pilot
* Jeroen van Engelenhove (1100) has been promoted to Student Pilot
Congratulations!
Top Pilots
Dave Spurlock (1094) was PGA's top pilot this week, with a whopping 29.2 hours. Dave has finished all of the Student Pilot missions and made a trip from Seattle to SJC in the Trainer, racking up a total of 44.53 hours in the two weeks since he was hired.
Lukexcom (1039) is number two, with 9.45 hours this week.
Overall, however, Luke remains in the lead with 132.26 hours, with Darby Willcox (1013) trailing behind at 103.33 hours.
Boss Addicted to Aviators' Flu Cure
Some kind-hearted soul posted a recipe for a "surefire" aviators' flu cure on the forum this week, and the Boss took a look and thought it sounded not half bad and certainly couldn't hurt. As it happens, it works pretty darned well, even though the Boss's particular brand of flu is more tenacious than most and has required repeated dosing. She'll tell you right out, however, she's not addicted, she could stop taking the stuff any time now, it's just that she's still got this lingering cough, you see...
Pilot Reports
Dick "Grind" Lisboa 1027 has been hiding out from the Boss this week after having made the ultimate short-field landing at Meadowlark Field -- that would be with the gear still stowed safely in the wells. The flight had started out a bit shaky as he almost tipped over the plane during taxi, and he claims the couple he was flying to the field had been shouting at him, distracting him from the task at hand. Seasoned PGA pilots suggest unplugging the passengers' microphones from the intercom next time they get too noisy.
Lisboa applied a hefty layer of duct tape to the belly of the plane and brought it home to San Jose, only to bend the wing with a crooked touchdown. He can rest assured that he won't be sacked for such a little thing, but might consider that the Boss is very fond of expensive chocolate.
Mark "McArrow" Blades (1077) followed up on earlier experiments by other pilots and tried the properties of his Arrow as a meat grinder during takeoff at Sky Harbor. He found it worked fairly well. Best of all, the burger was grilled on the engine cowling, and so Blades was able to serve lunch to the witnesses who subsequently signed affidavits that he'd done it on purpose. In one of the most amazing rounds of double-talk ever heard in this office, Blades managed to convince the Boss that the whole business was a promotional event he'd staged to improve customer relations.
Blades also beached a Renegade last week while attempting a high-speed taxi to the dock. A passing fisherman towed him off the sand bar, and in case anyone has been wondering, the white spatters he's sporting these days are from the time he's spent repainting the hull.
Speaking of Renegade groundings, Mark "Blind Faith" Thould (1083) took off into a lovely day in the Seattle area, whereupon the weather promptly went to pot as he headed into the Cascades on the approach to Bumping Lake. To make matters worse, Sea-Tac Approach didn't bother calling the airport until it was at his "5 o'clock, 2 miles." While Bumping Lake requires a steep approach anyway, Thould was at 8,500 ft when this call came. So, like any PGA pilot, he got it down, throttling all the way back, deploying flaps, diving into the soup, and banking to where he thought the lake might be. After several minutes of waiting to either clear the cloud base or run into a cumulus granitus cloud, he suddenly found himself at 100 ft AGL right over the Lake. Nice flying! He touched down with 50 ft of water to go, and decided that running aground was far preferable to flipping the Renegade on its back trying to turn at that speed, and he's probably right.
Thould says he now understands why they call it "Bumping" Lake. We thought the name should have been his first clue.
It was a bad week for Renegades, as Rubens A C "Pincer" Filho (1076) snapped the right landing gear off the one he was flying while coming in to Sequim Valley to pick up some live lobsters. He says the image of those lobsters made him feel a bit nervous. We think he's been watching too much late night television.
Captain "Tour Guide" Blackadder (1020) carted some scientists around the Bay Area on a little sightseeing jaunt in fair skies. The Boss raised an eyebrow at the news that he'd made an extra stop at South County for their excellent coffee and donuts, especially when further questioning revealed he hadn't brought any back for her.
Ole-Jørgen "Fuel Bill" Søberg (1049) took 2.35 hours and two tanks of fuel going from San Francisco to Seattle in a BeechJet a few days ago. He blames heavy wind and turbulence, but we're beginning to wonder if OAC isn't siphoning his tanks.
Ryan "Hornblower" Griffin-Stegink (1009) is learning the hazards of too much studying and not enough flying, as his radio work and PIREPs are becoming littered with terms out of his math books. Pilots complaining about Bay Approach vectoring should have been with Ryan this week as Sea-Tac put him at 10,000 ft, then 1,000 ft, then back up to 9,000, and so on.
A little later, Ryan was heard muttering darkly about variables and factoring equations as he marched out to his plane. After he started up, the PGA mechanics raced out of the hangar because the engine began running so erratically. They looked in the cockpit to find Ryan sitting there in an apparent daze, buzzing his lips and working the throttle, prop, and mixture controls like keys on a french horn. They managed to get the plane shut down and Ryan spent the night in the special PGA ward of the local mental hospital.
Dave "Never a Dull Flight" Spurlock (1094) caught a bit of wind shear in the course of things while on final approach to South County. A sudden strong headwind caught him flat-footed and he allowed the plane to pitch up and stall. Fortunately, he was able to clean up the airframe, give it full throttle, and recover from the stall. He aborted the approach and went around again, coming a little fast and touching down a little hard, but overall not bad.
This performance was rewarded by his getting to ferry two children, a 10-year old boy and a 6-year old girl, up to Livermore. Apparently, the boy kept telling his sister that they were going to crash, pointing out approaching hills and describing in vivid detail how they would smack into them in a moment and die. The girl was in hysterical tears. Dave tried asking the boy not to tease his sister, but the boy responded by saying Dave couldn't tell him what to do, whereupon Dave set about explaining one of the privileges of being pilot in command is to throw ill-behaved boys out of his airplane. All was quiet from then on until they crossed the middle marker at Livermore, when the boy suddenly screamed at the top of his lungs, "we're going to crash!" The girl screamed, Dave jumped and was obliged to practice some unusual attitude recovery at low level with a hysterical child clinging to his neck, another child rolling around the cabin lauging and screaming to about crashing, and himself screaming back at them both to shut up.
He bounced the landing, but we'll excuse him this time. His penance was ferrying two kenneled but flatulent Boston Terriers to Palo Alto. He arrived gasping and green, just in time to pick up two state Senators who needed to get back to Sacramento "right away." Between the smells of shrimp, lingering dog flatulence, and day-old cigar smoke, and the heavy rain, low ceiling, and typical Bay Approach roller coaster ride with moderate to severe turbulence at 4000 ft, the senators were more than a little green by the time they landed at Sacramento.
21 February 2000
Darby Breaks 200 Hours
Darby Willcox (1013) became the first BAC/PGA pilot to break the 200 hour mark this week, with his combined BAC and PGA time adding up to a total of 200.37 hours.
Management initially was pleased by this news and made preparations to present Darby with a commemorative plaque to hang on the wall of his cabin out on Lake Berryessa. However, after a bit of calculating revealed that only about .004% of Darby's life to date has been spent in service to PGA, the Board of Directors decided that honoring him in such a way would set a bad example for the other pilots.
Promotions
* Blackadder (1020) has been promoted to Senior Captain. He says that everyone except Captain Darling may continue calling him "Captain" Blackadder, however.
* Stephen Bull (1041) has been promoted to Commercial Pilot
* Mark Blades (1077) has been promoted to Commercial Pilot
* Dave Spurlock (1094) has been promoted to Commercial Pilot
* Joris Koeners (1008) has been promoted to Private Pilot
* Mark Hsu (1057) has been promoted to Private Pilot
* Urban Potocnik (1034) to Student Pilot
Congratulations!
Top Pilots
Our top pilot this week is Dave Spurlock (1094), with 13 hours flown this week. Darby Willcox (1013) comes in second with 9.49 hours.
Overall, Lukexcom is still on top for total PGA time with 140.27 hours, and Darby hangs in at number two with 112.82 PGA hours.
Aircraft Damaged by Jet Blast
Baron N3022H, owned by PGA pilot Polo Villate (1023), was among the aircraft damaged this week when an Air Plastique jet piloted by a distant relative of Dave Spurlock got lost while taxiing and ended up blowing the area where Villate's Baron was tied down. One of the tie-downs broke and the plane was lifted up so that the left wingtip struck against the ground, causing approximately $17,000 in damage.
Villate could not be reached for comment before press time.
Bar Fight in HMB Leads to Increased Business
One hundred OAC pilots got what was coming to them this week when they made the grievous error of jumping Dave "Right Hook" Spurlock (1094) and Darby "Monopolize the News Page" Willcox (1013) outside a bar in Half Moon Bay. At the end of the fray, no fewer than 150 OAC pilots were laid out cold, and Dave and Darby were carted away to the clink by the local authorities.
The Boss was contacted by the police department at Half Moon Bay, and flew down there to have a chat with the magistrate. Fortunately, the magistrate had to agree that even two drunken PGA pilots wouldn't be so silly as to pick a fight with 200 drunken OAC pilots, and she ordered their immediate release on the condition that the Boss get them out of her jurisdiction.
With this sudden and fortuitous incapacitation of nearly 300 OAC pilots, PGA enjoyed an opportunity to snipe some business as former OAC clients were left waiting at the terminal. Good job, Darby and Dave, just don't let it happen again too often.
Pilot Reports
Ole-Jørgen "Jet Pilot" Søberg (1049) continues using the jet for every mission he can, although he was noted to land at Travis AFB rather than the Aero Club this week. Management was pleased to hear of this caution -- after he owns his own jet he can try landing it at Travis Aero.
No matter what plane Søberg is flying, though, the "lady" at Bay Approach always seems to know it's him. After leaving Travis, Søberg requested vectors direct San Jose, and was 45 miles south of SJC before he finally called, reminded her of his destination, and requested a turn to the north. She refused and told him to "do as I tell you!" He wisely cancelled IFR and brought it in VFR in marginal weather.
This most recent episode has people wondering, however... what secret past do Ole-Jørgen and the Lady at Bay Approach share that she is so intent on making his life miserable? Stay tuned for further speculation....
Chris "Get Him Home" Morgese (1010) took advantage of the OAC pilot shortage to grab a charter from Marin to Sacramento. One of our beloved state legislators (and we'll let you guess which one) had hopped down to Marin on "personal business" (we're told she's a redhead) and needed express service back to Sacramento for an emergency vote of the Legislature. Time was of the essence, as said legislator's wife (who was in Santa Rosa) was of the belief that he was already in Sacramento. Morgese made the trip in record time, especially given the weather, and it seems we may have picked up a new regular client.
Rolo "I Meant to Do That" Mace (1038) spent a little extra time in the air above R & K Skyranch planning the perfect arrival. After circling around the area for a while and waiting for the rain to start, he set up on final, just cleared the cows on the runway, touched down, and continued his rollout right on up the driveway, stopping right at the front door. Onlookers were impressed, at least after Mace shut down the plane and they realized it was safe to pick themselves up out of the ditch they'd thrown themselves into when he came roaring up the driveway.
Mark "What Does This Switch Do?" Thould (1083) took his first turn in a Mooney this week, initiating the brand new plane to full-fledged PGA service by mucking with the flaps at high speed. Fortunately, he was able to land safely without flaps at Swanson (he's singing praises of those speed brakes) and thus became the first beneficiary of PGA's recently-implemented policy of keeping spare sets of flaps at every field where there's a mechanic. The new flaps were fitted in the time it took for a cup of tea, whereupon he continued on to Bandera where he landed on the track next to the airport in the semi-darkness. He blames the lack of pilot-controlled lighting, but we're just relieved he didn't continue the Mooney's initiation by hitting a cow.
Ryan "Glutton for Punishment" Griffin - Stegink (1009) filed IFR on a VFR day with Bay Approach on the job as usual. Up and down and round and round and an eventual IFR approach into Livermore for some touch & goes. Interestingly, when Griffin - Stegink's track was later plotted, it was discovered that everyone's favorite lady was using him to practice signing her name in 3-D.
LVK was busy when he arrived, as it is many nice days. Griffin - Stegink found himself having to remind the controller of his existence every time around the pattern, which annoyed him no end. He reports he was so peeved that he actually did something like "5 or 6 touch-and-goes, plus two full stops; the ILS landing and my last landing." He then proceeded to grovel for a bit of extra money for the extra landings. The Boss hasn't laughed so hard in weeks.
When the Boss called to check on the situation at LVK, she learned that there was a trainee controller on duty by the name of Kyle who really seems to fit the bill for the sort of people who get hired for ATC in this area. When G-S was informed who had been the controller, he stormed away, muttering something about how soon could he fly the Mustang and where could he get live ammo?
Captain "Say Again?" Blackadder became a bit fed up with the radio whilst running the regular route delivering packages for FedEx (or was that UPS?), and subsequently developed a bit of a "malfunction" where he couldn't transmit, only receive. He claims lack of radio makes the San Jose - Palo Alto - Livermore - San Jose run a much better route, and has requested one of the old BAC radios so he can have it installed in his Trainer.
Mark "Where is it?" Hsu (1057) set off to look for Apex Air Park in the rain with less than a mile visibility and, when it was reported that he landed safely, PGA's chief mechanic at Whidbey cleaned up on the bet he took from the OAC dispatcher that Hsu wouldn't make it. The mechanic asked us to pass on the message that he owes Hsu a beer next time he's in town.
Jeroen "I Miss the Mooney!" van Engelenhoven (1101) has been learning about taxiing the high-wing Trainer in the wind, and says it's been slowing down his progress through the missions. That's all right, though, as that's what being a PGA Student Pilot is all about, learning to do the seemingly impossible. After this, he'll graduate on to learning other, even more impossible sounding tasks. But meanwhile, if he gets too cocky after he's mastered taxiing the Trainer, we'll have him try landing the Beaver/Muskrat on a hard-surface runway in a crosswind.
Dustin "Why Me?" Cochran (1080) discovered this week that ATC at McChord happens to be an ex-girlfriend of his. We guess that answers his question. What we want to know is what did he do that she felt compelled to get a job with ATC just for the pleasure of vectoring him all over the sky at her whim?
Bjørn "Making Do" Henjum (1044) was flying along, minding his own business, when his graphics card (all planes have those, don't they?) suddenly began to smoke... and we're not talking cigars! Some quick thinking saved the day, but until it can be fixed he's having to make do with an older card that has a basic compatibility problem with his aircraft. He reports that if he can't get where he's going within 30 minutes, he'll be walking back to where he started for another go. As a result, he spent much of the week just trying to get from Ranger Creek to Olympia.
Dave "Alone in the Dark" Spurlock (1094) was making an easy flight from Calistoga to Half Moon Bay at night when, just as he cleared the hills and got over the water, he lost his radio stack. Cursing silently (lest he turn the wine he was hauling into vinegar by saying such words aloud), he dropped down to about 1000 ft and followed the coast on down. It was a clear night at least, but that proved a mixed blessing as there were other planes in the sky. He nearly unscrewed his head looking around for traffic on the approach into Half Moon Bay, and as he went to enter the pattern for Runway 30 he went to flash his lights to alert other aircraft in the area to his presence when the entire electrical system failed.
Fortunately, he carries a Mini Mag flashlight in his flight coveralls. Unfortunately, he only has two hands and so ended up holding the light in his mouth so he could see his instruments. He slipped into the pattern between another Arrow and a Muskrat that were shooting touch & goes and managed a safe landing, no worse for wear except for a stiff neck and a sore mouth, which developed into a case of the jitters and a raging thirst after he got things shut down and arranged for repairs. You all know the rest.